How to Quit….

I have always found the experience of resigning from a job excruciating. So much that on one occasion, when resigning from a teenage summer job as a shop assistant, I brought my Dad with me. I broached the discussion with my boss near the discount overripe banana stand — which was, incidentally, my idea — and made sure via less than furtive glances over his shoulder that he was aware of my Dad lingering in the background. Even as I have got older (and arguably more mature), I continue to dread quitting. Perhaps it is the innate people pleaser within me that reviles in horror at the idea I might inconvenience my employer somehow. But, as someone who has resigned from a number of positions in her short career, it is an unpleasantness I have had to confront head on. Since then, I have quit several more jobs and each and every time, I felt that familiar sense of dread. And, naturally, it wasn’t always practical (or appropriate) for me to bring my Dad.

However, it would seem getting comfortable with quitting is something many people will need to do soon. Recent workplace surveys conducted in the US and the UK suggest that up to 40% of employees are considering a job change in the not too distant future. It is thought this shift in thinking has been driven by a renewed discussion on working conditions arising from the pandemic, leading to many considering a departure from those employers in a phenomenon dubbed the ‘Great Resignation.’ In an era when we are all thinking about resigning, I continue to wonder whether there is ever an easy way to leave a job. The short answer is no. But, difficult as it may be, I do believe that there are good ways to quit and bad ways. Leaving a job is not unlike, in many respects, breaking up with someone. And so, the more care you take in your approach, the less scope for fallout. Below are my top tips.

· Be sure you want to quit — We all have bad days at work and dream about the grass being greener elsewhere. It is important to think carefully about the factors that are compelling you to resign and whether a new job will really solve those issues. If you feel underpaid or undervalued, consider raising this with your manager. If you don’t like your manager, consider asking to move to a different team. If you feel unmotivated, consider whether this might be due to other factors, such as mental health issues or languishing, a sort of ‘meh’ feeling Adam Grant argues has become rife throughout the pandemic. Of course, if you have considered all this and really feel it’s time to move on, fair enough. But remember, quitting is a pretty nuclear solution for a problem that might be easily resolved some other way.

· Give your manager a heads up — Whatever about life in general, I have learned that in the workplace, people don’t generally like surprises. Sending your manager a quick ‘can we have a chat?’ email is the employment equivalent of the ‘we need to talk’ text. It may not make your intentions abundantly clear, but it will indicate you want to discuss something serious, which will prepare them for an open and attentive discussion. Catching them on the hop as they are running late for a stressful meeting is one way to ensure the news goes down like a lead balloon.

· Prepare a speech — It doesn’t have to be typed up or committed to memory, but it is important to think about what you’re going to say. This will help mitigate against emotions or nerves that might affect you in the moment. Keep it simple and clear and don’t equivocate. You may wish to spend some time thinking about how your manager might react, for example, if they were to offer you something to consider staying. Be prepared for this and consider what you might be willing to accept. If you are caught off-guard, ask for a cooling off period to think it over.

· Accept the discomfort — If, like me, you don’t like to let people down, you will likely experience those tell-tale physical reactions when embarking on a resignation. Each time I did it, I battled wobbly legs, sweaty palms and a racing heart-rate while trying to get the words out. This is completely normal. Accept that it will feel uncomfortable and envisage how much better you will feel when it’s done. I once had to physically push a colleague into our boss’ office to have the conversation as she had been putting it off for days, during which time she had broken out in a rash — a rash that miraculously disappeared as soon as she broke the news. Whether the discussion goes well or not, you’ll feel relieved when it’s done.

· Make it about you — If I can return to my breakup analogy, it is important to emphasise, in effect, ‘it’s not you, it’s me.’ Much as you may hate the place and everyone in it, it doesn’t help to admit this at the point of departure. Depending on how much you enjoy confrontation (and you may have guessed by now that I don’t), you may disagree. But remember, you have to work out your notice and may rely on this employer for a reference. It is best to characterise any reason for leaving as all your own. You want to explore other opportunities. You want to take a break. You got a great new offer. You never know when you might need to leverage the relationship with a previous employer and so, if it all possible, it makes sense to keep things amicable.

· Constructive feedback — Notwithstanding my firm belief that leaving on good terms is preferable, there are occasions when some feedback to the outgoing employer is warranted. But, keep it constructive. If you consider that the promotion process or bonus programme could be run better, or that communication from management could improve, then don’t be afraid to offer that feedback. Again, unless you are happy to sever the relationship entirely, I would offer these more as generic observations than personal gripes.

· Work out the formalities — The date you inform your employer of your resignation is important for calculating your notice period. It should run from the day you have the ‘conversation’ but it is good practice to send a formal letter of resignation to HR on the same date. Your employer is entitled to insist you work out your contractual notice period (don’t assume they will reduce it) so this is important to factor into any negotiations about when you can start a new role. While you can subtract any holidays owed from the notice period, any other reductions need to be agreed. This is more likely to happen when the departure is amicable but will depend on a number of factors, such as the type of role you’re in, how your work is quantified and the resourcing capacity within the employer organisation.

· Have a plan — This might sound glaringly obvious but do not be tempted to leave a job without a plan. While the majority of quitters do so to take up other roles, there is a multitude of legitimate reasons you might choose to leave. You may be embarking on full-time study, caring for a relative, starting a business or just looking to go off and ‘find yourself.’ I have no truck with any of these reasons, but whatever it is, just make sure you have devoted some thought to it. I have talked many a friend / colleague off the ledge from quitting a job because they were just fed up. We all want to feel like Bridget Jones in that infamous scene where she dramatically quits and walks out of the office to the tune of Aretha Franklin singing ‘RESPECT.’ But chances are Bridget didn’t feel so great the following day when she woke up to find herself hungover and unemployed and still with Central London rent to pay. Finally, your finances are none of my business, but suffice as to say, it is helpful to have savings when quitting a job without a new one.

· Be patient — Whatever it is you seek to achieve from leaving your job, just remember it can take time to find the ideal role for you. It is important to manage your expectations about your next step. You may not find what you’re looking for in the next role or even the one after that. But resigning from a job you don’t want to do anymore is a brave first step. Pat yourself on the back for doing that much, and with patience — and a little perseverance — you can find the ideal work life for you. It may also help to engage some professional help, perhaps by seeking out a mentor to guide you or (shameless plug) a career coach to help you figure out your path and to uncover the obstacles lying in your way.

I will leave you with another anecdote from my short-lived teenage career in the service industry. The year before the aforementioned shop assistant job, I briefly worked in a café. After a few weeks of frothing cappuccinos and re-heating quiche, I decided I needed to leave (mainly because I didn’t want to miss a family holiday in Greece and they weren’t prepared to offer time off). When I approached my tiny Italian manager to break the news (my heart thumping through my chest) her reaction was pretty neutral. Not only that, but she offered me perhaps the most sage career advice I ever received and the words I always repeat to myself when it comes to all my decisions: “It’s your life baby!”